Learning
to say no to our desires is a major part of orienting our lives toward God, and
it can often be a life-giving discipline. It might not always be practical for
hormonal teens, but it’s possible that things could look different if teens
seek purity out of a desire to give their lives to Christ, rather than just to
“save themselves” for a spouse.
14 year old girl: "Sex for me is just like dancing. I
love dancing with with different men".
Doctor: "Do you even feel anything when you dance with
these men"?
14 year old girl: "Sometimes. I feel a lot of feelings.
They last for a while and then they're gone".
Doctor: "Do these men even have feelings for you"?
14 year old girl: "Sometimes, for a minute".
Doctor: "If you have a sister and she tells you that she
wants to have sex, what will you tell her"?
14 year old girl: "I will tell her to wait".
Doctor: "So why do you do what you do"?
14 year old girl: "I am the most popular girl in 9th
grade".
This is a dialogue (not verbatim though) from a movie I
recently saw on TV. It was very realistic, surely caught my attention, and
inspired me to write this article.
There is something about sex that makes us really curious
about it at a young age. It makes us wonder how it feels. It makes us think
that we become more mature when we engage in it. And just like what this girl
thought, it makes us think that we can gain popularity through it.
When your friends start sharing their sexual experiences with
you, you begin to wonder how it really feels. And most of the time, people will
paint a real nice picture in your mind even if they didn't enjoy it. Guys brag
about it; and so do girls. Nobody will ever talk about their bad experiences
with it.
Having sex for guys make them feel like they've conquered
something. It makes them feel like real men. For girls, it's totally different.
She starts feeling good when the guy starts wanting her. She doesn't really
look at it as sex. She looks at it more of getting his attention and being
wanted by this guy. This is what the 14 year old girl in the movie meant when
she said that the feelings of the guys for her last for a minute. Then she
starts wanting the attention again, which is why she eventually keeps giving in
to it.
Regardless of age, guys and girls will always be the same. I
remember one saying that goes: Guys give love in order to get sex; Girls give
sex in order to get love. In short, men are lustful beings and women are
emotional beings. You put these two needs together and you have teenagers whose
hormones and testosterones are easily triggered.
Unfortunately, premarital sex never leads to anything good.
Think about it this way... your parents want to give you the best car that you
can possibly get. They don't want to give you anything less than that. However,
they have to wait for the right time to give it to you.
It takes a deep intimacy with the other person to feel so free
and relaxed with sex. This intimacy and freedom can only be experienced in
marriage. In marriage there is no fear of being caught, having a disease,
acting better than others, proving yourself to your partner, etc. You freely
serve the other person because of your great love for him/her. It is not a
superficial high but something so deep and intense.
Premarital sex may feel good but it doesn't last. It only
scratches the surface. Then it leads to destruction. How many unwanted
pregnancies and abortions have resulted from this? How many extreme jealousies
that led to murder have happened as a result? How many people acquired STDs as
a consequence? How many guys and girls have been hurt and wounded in effect?
In that movie I was talking about, one girl had oral sex with
her boyfriend. She really liked him. So one day, the guy took her to her room
with another friend with his girlfriend and wanted her to do group sex with
them. The girl said: "But I only want to have sex with you". She was
so shocked at what he was trying to do. She ran away and the guy still stayed
in the room with the other couple. That surely broke her heart.
Teen guys are not mature enough to even understand the
emotions that girls go through. Teen girls are not also mature enough to handle
their own emotions. This is where everything can get really messy. It's a lot
of drama, for sure.
Teen sex, or any other sex outside of marriage, will never
work the way sex was designed because it is working against the grain. It's
like using an appliance for something it was not designed for. You may think
it's working until the motor goes out, or it totally breaks.
Sex is supposed to be your gift for your future husband/wife. It
is not meant to be opened now and be used for someone else. Even if you will
eventually end up married to the person you're having sex with, you still can't
open the gift before its time, or you will ruin it.
It is not as difficult as you may think it is if you believe
that you deserve the best. This is where it all starts. If you believe that you
deserve nothing but the best that God has to offer you, then you will wait for
the best one and the best time. You will not just give that special gift to
anyone. It is reserved for the person God created for you.
It will also be easier if you bear in mind that you have an
enemy out there who is dying to destroy you, kill you, and steal from you. His
name is satan and he is your number one enemy. He wants you to give up that
gift so you won't have the best that God has to offer. He wants to steal that
gift from you. He wants to kill you with a disease or with the wrath of a jealous
boyfriend/girlfriend. He wants to destroy your life. Giving in to sex before
marriage is giving in to the devil. Do you want that?
In the midst of peer pressure and temptation, you will be able
to overcome if you focus on God and His Word. You won't be able to do it on
your own. You need Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit.
Feel free to leave your comments on what you think about Premarital Sex.
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